Mass Suicide After Andy Sixx Bans Venezuela from his Warm Logs

February 5, 2017

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Rudolph Perris Jr.

Just five days after Commander Andy Sixx announced that the entire country of Venezuela was banned from sucking shit out of his asshole, over 200 corpses were discovered in a BVB Army base just 50 miles south of the country's capital city of Caracas.

The ban was lodged against Venezuela by orders of Andy Sixx after its chapter member, Brigadier General Hugo Sanchez, was caught embezzling logs of shit provided by Andy Sixx as part of the BVB Army's annual humanitarian aid package to the people of Venezuela.

After BVB Army Criminal Investigation Division arrived to the scene, they uncovered suicide notes and bodies of 234 BVB Army soldiers, most of which citing that there was simply no point in living anymore because they will:

"...never be able to enjoy the sweet warmth of Andy Sixx's log of shit slidding down our fucking throats anymore," said one BVB Army soldier in a suicide note found in their front-right pocket.

General Jynxx released this statement on behalf of the BVB Army stating:

"We are saddened by the news of the deaths of so many people, and we will cut ourselves and suck logs of shit out of Andy Sixx's assholes a little harder to honor the fallen. With that said, the people of Venezuela had to suffer at the hands of the corrupt General Sanchez. We remember your fallen, we honor your deaths. BVB Army forever!"

General Jynxx has not commented, nor has the BVB Army released any statement on whether or not Sanchez would face a court martial for the deaths of all of his soldiers but the CID will continue to investigate the matter and the BVB Army will lead a clean-up effort for all of their "fallen angels."

 - BVB Army