BVB Army Commander to Have an Emergency Colonoscopy?

February 3, 2017

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Casey Leighton

Our lord and savior, Andy Sixx, was rushed to a Toronto Hospital earlier today after falling ill from complications with his gastral tract, says Toronto Central Hospital Doctor Richard Bryce. 

"After Mr. Sixx came to us reporting problems of shitting blood, I was concerned especially when he told me he ate a lot of ghost peppers and curry," Dr. Bryce told BVB Army Field Journalist Roberto "Emo Man" Ruiz. "I ordered a colonoscopy for Andy's asshole immediately."

When our Field Journalist asked about the unsucked shit still remaining in Andy's colon, Dr. Bryce responded that:

"It's unfortunate that people will have to go hungry for the next couple of days. As for the shit still in his stomach, I can't let anybody have it at this time."

"But will you suck it out?" Ruiz asked.

"Um..." Dr. Bryce said suspiciously and growing very weary and defensive. "I said no, you can't have it. It's mine! Doctor's orders."