Remains of Albuquerque Fan Discovered In Colorado March 10, 2017 | Casey Leighton

 After a lengthy search, the BVB Army finally found the remains of Hannah Newhart five days after our Lord and Savior promised his "log of shit after I just ate cuttlefish tacos with curry, japalenos, clams, and a strawberry milkshake," that caused many BVB Army soldiers to search actively throughout the Metropolitan area before upgrading their search via interstate.

Found on a mountain side in rural Aspin, Colorado, the remains were discovered by two hikers that saw what looked like a pair of feet sticking out of the ground. After they called the police who dug up the body, they had discovered it was indeed a human cadaver.

DNA tests performed by the coroner's officer did confirm the body to indeed be that of Hannah Newhart. Upon further inspection, the coroner found the words "Love Logs" carved into her stomach possibly with a knife, along with a prolapsed anus.

When Andy Sixx approached the two hikers to offer him his log of shit, they looked at him weirded out by what he tried to give them in exchange for finding the body before asking him: 

"What the fuck is wrong with you? We find the dead body of a young girl and you asked us if we want your shit? Are you sick or something or just mentally retarded?"

Andy then replied to them by saying:

"Fine. I guess I'll just flush it down the toilet..."

Before a really horny fan overheard that statement and instantly pulled Andy's pants down, locked lips with his asshole and then sucked Andy within an inch of his life as to make sure that he didn't waste any of the delicious warm brown log roll cooked up in his colon. Although a morbid ending to a little girl's life, there was one positive outcome: a fan got a warm creamy log sliding down their throats.