BVB Army General Announces the MOAL: Mother of All Logs

In a press conference held earlier today with the Commander of the BVB Army and his command staff, General Andy Sixx announced the newest innovation to hit the BVB Army in most recent times: the Mother of All Logs.

"Today, I am pleased to announce that my staff and I will be working on something truly revolutionary. While you thought my logs couldn't get any more creamy and steamy, you were wrong," General Sixx said building up a climatic storyline for the earth-shattering news. "It turns out that I am currently in the works of something creamier and steamier than you could ever imagine: the Mother of All Logs."

The MOAL is a theoretical log that has been drafted up by BVB Army Log Theory specialists and scientists for many years, although there has never been any attempt to produce one by the BVB Army commander.

The Shitlog News Agency sat down with Robert Hopkiss, Ph.D., a leading researcher and specialist in Log Theory of the BVB Army's Institute of Shitlog Science and Research in Chevy Chase, MD, to discuss just what a Mother of All Logs would even look like.

"According to my calculations," Dr. Hopkiss said pointing to a chalkboard with dozens of lines of complex mathematical and geometric proof and computation on them, "A Mother of All Logs would have more cream, steam and dream in it than any other log of shit ever produced by General Andy Sixx. By incorporating the right amount of food, fiber, and stool hardener, the production of such a log of shit with so much divine being from someone so hot and emo and gothic and metal and hardcore is indeed possible. Moreover, a Mother of All Logs would have surpassed a monster log, another factor that I calculate to be completely possible."

Although there is no set date as to when the BVB Army Commander will release set MOAL, he has formally stated on twitter that we can expect it to come out of his asshole sometime by the end of December of this year. Until then, we wait and anticipate Andy's creamy log of shitty goodness.