"How Can Your Logs be Both Creamy and Steamy?"

After a second day of hard hitting questions asked to General Andy Sixx, the members of the Congressional House Oversight and Government Reform Committee did their best to bring the heat to our beloved Commander. General Sixx, however, did not crack under pressure.

"General Sixx, I want to thank you for joining us again this morning," Chairman Trey Gowdy of South Carolina said in his opening remarks.

"Obliged," General Sixx said casually.

"Now, I'll get right to the point, last we left off, you had mentioned that Congress has given funding to the BVB Army on multiple occasions, is that correct?"

"Yes, congressman."

"And what occasions would those be?"

"There were quite a few. Off the top of my head, I remember that a few years ago, we had kick started a Shitlog Improvement Program to see what foods I should be eating before producing shitlogs for all the little girls to slidde down their throats..."

Suddenly, in a rather disgusted manner, Congressman Elijah Cummings of Maryland interjected:

"Is he serious?"

"The Gentleman from Maryland is not recognized to speak right now," Reverted Chairman Gowdy.

"I know but is this guy serious? He's talking about little girls who want to eat his shit? That's why we're here? That's where our money is going?"

"The Gentleman from Maryland is not recognized. You will speak when it is your time, Mr. Cummings."

"It's disgusting! I can't believe what's going on here."

"One more time, Mr. Cummings and I'll instruct the Sergeant at Arms to remove you from the committee."

Mr. Cummings then yielded to the committee and allowed General Sixx to continue.

"Another project that I can recall was the log for a better future program," Resumed General Sixx.

"And what did that consist of, do you remember?" asked Chairman Gowdy.

"It consisted of lasagna with laxatives and beef stroganoff. It was both Steamy and Creamy."

"Steamy and Creamy, you say?"

"Yes, sir."

"But General Sixx, I'm reading the reports right here and they all claim your shit was either one or the other but not both."

"Well, that's the thing, Mr. Chairman, those reports that you hold in your hands are based off a private laboratory study of my shit. Now it just so happens that the private company contracted to conduct the studies of my shit were also funded by Dani Filth and the Streamers. They've been after my career for a while now so I'm inclined to believe that they wrote their findings with prejudice."

"But General Sixx, that doesn't answer the question: How can your logs be both creamy and steamy?"

"It has a lot to do with what I eat. What can I say? I shit a good log, and people who attend my concerts or enlist in the BVB Army are drawn to suck it out of my asshole. It's as simple as that."

Suddenly, Mr. Cummings interjected a second time only to stand up and announce that he was removing himself from the committee.

"That's it," congressman Cummings said standing from his seat. "I can't stand to hear anymore of this disgusting garbage. I'm leaving."

"Would the gentleman from Maryland please grow up a little?" Gowdy concluded.

After leaving, Chairman Gowdy concluded his remarks and opened the floor to the other committee members to ask General Sixx their questions.