Uber is Out!

Representatives of Uber leave the BVB Army's world headquarters with UFC fighter Connor McGregor as a potential spokesperson for the campaign to deliver General Sixx's logs. Despite having the logistical and connective advantages, Uber was ousted from the race for General Sixx's creamy logs.

Since the vicious war for the BVB Army's 2019 contract to deliver General Andy Sixx's creamy logs was launched, UberEats was a prime candidate to undertake such an enormous task. However, since the dinner bell rang for General Sixx's steaming asshole, other companies like Amazon, FedEx and UPS have shared their own interests in securing the BVB Army's contract.

Yesterday was the first official selection meeting for the candidates. Sitting in were General Andy Sixx, commander of the BVB Amy, Lieutenant General Ashley Purdy, Acting Commander of the BVB Army Business, Contract and Enterprise Agency, as well as several representatives from Amazon, Uber, FedEx and UPS. Surprisingly, executives from other delivery companies like Lyft and GrubHub were also present, but remained silent while watching the events of the meeting from the sidelines in silence.

The result of three hours was determined: UberEats was out of the race.

According to Lieutenant General Purdy, UberEats was cast off the candidacy because:

"Uber's primary purpose is transportation of people. UberEats, although prosperous, is not a main focus of the company. The BVB Army feels that delivery of goods to people should be a top priority in order to be awarded this contract and because Uber did not meet this requirement, they were the first to be let go. We, however, will consider Uber for other transportation-related ventures in the future as part of General Sixx's 2019 realignment package."

With three companies left to duke it out, only one of them will win the contract to deliver General Sixx's creamy, steamy, dreamy logs to the throats of millions of horny little fangirls around the world.